Facade
by Serenity-Marr
Summary: A look in to Kendall Schmidt's life. This is a Kogan story. Reposted. Complete-just gotta put up the chapters later today :p Warning: Depression, Angst, boyxboy smut :)
1. Chapter 1

Title: Façade

Author: Serenity Marr

Summary: I am not Kendall Knight. I am not this perfect guy everyone thinks I am. I am Kendal Schmidt, Kendall Schmidt! Rated M for depression, angst, mild language, boyxboy smut later on ) etc. This is a slash. Kogan!

Disclaimer: I do not own anything…but my brain. Everything goes to their rightful owner and all that. No infringement of any kind intended.

Edit: Hello once again! I am reposting this story and it is complete! FF had took it down before I completed it, and I am now just reposting. Hope you like it...

Kendall woke up with a groan. He knew that he had to get up early today to shoot an episode for season 3 of Big Time Rush. As much as he loved acting and hanging out on set at the famous Paramount lot in Hollywood, he was getting physically and mentally tired of having to work over 12 hours filming every day. Yes, a lot of the time they were there to film only a few scenes which would only normally take a couple of hours, but it was mandatory that he stayed on set for the whole 12 hours just in case they needed him to retake scenes. Most of the time he would just have to find a way to entertain himself but that was never easy.

People usually think that Kendall Schmidt is a lot like the character he plays, Kendall Knight. Kendall scoffed at that. He was nothing like Kendall Knight. He wasn't a leader, he wasn't good with talking to girls or keeping a stable relationship, he wasn't the all-American boy that Kendall Knight was. He wasn't an all-star hockey player, heck he was the least athletic out of all four boys. He wasn't smooth or confident like Kendall Knight was, and he never had any amazing ideas like Kendall Knight did. Which is why he would constantly find himself bored with nothing to do.

Kendall decided that he should get out of bed. He sat on the bed and rubbed his eyes and looked at the digital alarm clock on his night stand 5:43 AM. He woke up before his alarm clock again. Despite him being tired all the time he could not sleep at night no matter how much he tried and wanted to. The days he could fall asleep would only be ruined when he would constantly wake up during the night. Kendall grabbed his cell phone next to the alarm clock and connected it to the charger so it could charge while he was taking a shower. He walked into his bathroom and closed the door behind him. He turned on the shower and waited for it to get warm. He looked himself in the fogging mirror and he wondered what fluke had there been for the casting director to pick him to be part of Big Time Rush. He wasn't as good looking as James was or as athletic. He wasn't as charismatic or passionate as Carlos, and he was no Logan Henderson. Kendall sighed again and determined that the water had turned warm enough and got into the shower. After he was finished with his shower he changed and went back into his bedroom. He checked his IPhone and it was now charged all the way. He took it off of his charger and headed downstairs. That was another thing that made Kendall pathetic. He was 21 years old and he was still living with his parents. James had his condo in Santa Monica, Logan had an apartment in Studio City, and Carlos had a ginormous million dollar house. Even Dustin had moved out of his parent's house a few years ago and now had an apartment. Kendall had decided that he would rather stay with his parents. It wasn't that he couldn't afford a new place; it was just that he was the youngest kid and he loved his parents because he had an amazing family. He had figured that he would be on the road most of the time anyway so what would be the point of getting a new place? Even though he loved his family he still wished that he had a house or an apartment to call his own. Kendall reached the kitchen which was fairly small but cozy and functional, you would think that he lived in a big fancy house but the truth was that like him, his family was very modest. They did not believe in material possessions but rather believed in living a simple but happy life, and doing what you were passionate about. Kendall's passion was music. It had always been. Yes he enjoyed acting, he loved it really, but nothing beat how he felt when he would strum his guitar, or tap his fingers to the melody of a song that was stuck in his head. Music was truly his life. It was the only thing keeping him sane on days like these. Kendall decided that he didn't want any breakfast. He knew it was unhealthy for him to skip meals but he couldn't bring himself to eat because of the knot in his stomach. He hadn't eaten anything since he went out to lunch the day before with his brother Kevin and Kenneth. They were celebrating them both being back. Kevin from his escapades in Washington and Kenneth coming back from Law school in Chicago. They ate at their favorite organic restaurant in Studio City called Hugo's. He loved going there because it reminded him of all the great memories with his brothers. Kendall grabbed his keys that were on the counter and headed out. He got into his car and drove off. 15 minutes later he was at the gates of the Paramount Studios and showed the security guard his pass. He drove in all the way to the back where they would be filming. He parked his car and headed inside. He was greeted with multiple "Good Morning's" from the crew and he gave a small smile and a wave in return. He finally got to his dressing room and sighed. He sat down on his beige squishy sofa and grabbed his guitar that was next to the couch. He always kept an extra in his dressing room since he knew he would more than likely be there until night. He started playing one of his favorite songs at the moment, which was *Anna Sun by Walk the Moon. This song just made him think of all the fun he had touring with his best friends.

Screen falling of the door,

Door hanging on its hinges

My feet are still sore,

My back on its fringes

We tore up the walls

We slept on couches

We lifted this house,

We lifted this house

Fire-crackers on the east

My car parked south

Your hands on my cheek

Your shoulder in my mouth,

I was up against the wall on the left mezzanine

We rattle this town,

We rattle this scene

Oh, Anna Sun

Oh, Anna Sun

"I love that song, it gets me so pumped for the summer tour" Logan said smiling leaning on the door frame.

"Yeah, I can't wait to finally get back on tour" Kendall said smiling back.

"I know what you mean" Logan said and moved to sit down next to Kendall, and grabbed the guitar out of his hands and began to slowly strum it.

"What song is that?" Kendall furrowed his eyebrows, trying to figure out what song Logan was playing.

"Hmmm" Logan looked up "Oh it's just a song that I made up" he said nonchalantly and stopped playing. He smiled up to Kendall and handed the guitar back to him.

"So when do you have your first shoot?" Logan asked putting his hands behind his head and leaning back into the couch.

"7 am, so I still have 30 minutes to kill" Kendall said looking at his phone.

"Me too, what do you want to do?" Logan said still resting his head on the couch.

"Don't know I was just going to play a little bit" Kendall said signaling to the guitar in his hands.

"Oh do you want to be alone?" Logan said starting to get up.

"No, maybe we can go find Carlos and James to see what they are up to." Kendall said wondering what kind of shenanigans they were up to.

"Or maybe we can get breakfast? We can go to Astro Burger** down the street." Logan said already thinking about the amazing pancakes and bacon they had.

"I'm not hungry, but I am sure Carlos and James would go with you if you asked them"

"Hahaha yea, those two are always hungry. Well c'ya later then" Logan said getting up and left to go find Carlos and James.

The day had passed by fairly slow and it was already 3PM. Kendall was back in his dressing room waiting to be called back on set, and his stomach growled. He hadn't eaten lunch either, deciding that he didn't want to talk to anyone and just wanted to be alone, and now he regretted it. He was starting to feel weak and a little light headed and he knew that, that wasn't a very good sign.

"Hey, you're needed back on set" one of the crew guys said from the doorway.

Kendall started to get up but all of a sudden he became dizzy, and grabbed on to the wall.

"Hey, you okay?" the crew guy said grabbing Kendall.

"Yea, I'm fine I'm just a little tired." Kendall lied. Even though he wasn't feeling so well he didn't want to make anyone worried. The crew guy looked unconvinced but didn't say anything. Kendall gave him a reassuring smile and the crew guy escorted him to the set.

It was already 10PM and Kendall still hadn't eaten anything. He really didn't have a chance because he was constantly needed on set. They were now shooting the last scene and Kendall was so grateful.

They were shooting a scene where he was running away from Carlos and James. When the director yelled action, Kendall began to run but immediately began to feel dizzy.

"Shit" Kendall said and knew that he was going to fall. Then Carlos and James came from behind and tackled him to the ground. Kendall was so weak and disoriented he wasn't able to fall correctly like how the stunt coordinator had showed him and fell with a crack. The crack was so loud that everyone on set heard it. Carlos and James immediately got off of Kendall and the stage medic quickly went to check on Kendall. Kendall shifted and groaned. The medic quickly inspected Kendall and saw nothing wrong. Kendall pulled his phone out of his pocked and groaned. The crack that everyone had heard was Kendall's new IPhone breaking and everyone let out a breath that they didn't even now they were holding. Logan, Carlos, and James ran up to Kendall.

"Kendall are you ok?, you scared us" Logan asked and sighed in relief when he saw that Kendall was physically ok.

"Yeah, I'm fine just tripped over my shoe I guess" he stood up but as soon as he tried he felt dizzy again and fell back down, James catching him on time so he didn't fall back to the ground.

"Yeah I don't think that constitutes as being fine, Kendall" Logan said frustrated and concerned at the same time.

"Yeah man what's wrong? Are you sick or something?" Carlos said looking at him worriedly.

"I said I'm fine" Kendall said starting to get annoyed and yanked himself away from James.

"What have you eaten today?" Logan said out of nowhere or at least it seemed that it came out of nowhere to everyone else. Kendall stayed quiet.

Logan sighed "Kendall".

"I forgot..." Kendall started

"Dude, you can't just not eat that's really unhealthy and we are just worried about you" James said sincerely.

"I know" Kendall said "I'm sorry I scared you guys, It was pretty stupid not to eat"

Logan looked sympathetically at Kendall,"It's fine just... don't scare us again okay?" and Kendall nodded his head.

One of the crew guys gave Kendall a sandwich and a bottle of orange juice, and the director decided that they had shot enough for that day and let everyone go.

Logan volunteered to take Kendall home, but Kendall said that he didn't have to. Logan insisted that he couldn't drive and Kendall gave in. They sat in silence the whole drive home. When they finally reached his house Logan turned off the car and turned towards Kendall. Kendall had his head down and was fidgeting with his hands.

"Kendall…" Logan started, but he still wasn't looking up at Logan. Logan sighed.

"What's going on? Is everything okay?" Kendall looked up eyes wide when he detected sadness and disappointment in Logan's voice. What was he doing? He usually hid his depression very easily and he didn't want one slip up to ruin all his hard work on creating the happy façade that he had been working on for months.

Kendall forced a small smile at Logan, "I'm sorry Logan. I was just distracted. we've been working so much lately and I've just been really anxious for the summer tour. I promise it won't happen again."

Logan looked at Kendall still not thoroughly convinced but let Kendall go anyways. He would have to keep a watchful eye on him.

As soon as Kendall got through the door of his house he sighed. He walked past the kitchen and put his keys on the counter. He went up the stairs into his room and fell face first on his bed. It had been a long stressful day and all Kendall wanted to do was sleep, but he couldn't. Even though he was dead tired his brain just would not shut up. It kept on thinking and thinking everything swirling in his head giving him a headache. He thought about how useless he had become. He wasn't the person he used to be. He was no longer happy, no longer dedicated, just no longer himself, and it frustrated the heck out of him. It frustrated him because he knew he was disappointing so many people. He was disappointing his fans, he was disappointing his parents, Carlos, James, Logan, and…he was disappointing himself. But, even though he knew he was disappointing all these people he couldn't help it, he didn't know what to do. Didn't have the strength to do anything. It felt like he was going on a downward spiral and he couldn't do anything. He was completely helpless. And day after day it just got worse, the ache in his heart got worse, his life got worse. But day in and day out he would pretend everything was fine when he knew that it wasn't. He would tell himself that he was being overdramatic. He was a famous singer and actor; he was rich at just the age of 21 and had millions of fans. He would convince himself that everything was ok, and during the day it was. He would hang out with his three best friends, sing, act, do the things he loved, but at night he couldn't convince himself. There were weeks were every night he would just cry himself to sleep. The insistent whole in his heart reminding him that he was alone and that he wasn't alright, he wasn't fine. He felt like he was slowly dying, like he was killing himself somehow. He would cry for hours until he would fall asleep. Then, when he would wake up in the morning, he would tell himself that he was being overdramatic, and he would go about the day as if nothing had happened. Kendall didn't know what to do. He couldn't tell anyone, they would just pity him or treat him differently. He didn't want that, he didn't want to be treated any different. He needed help; he just wouldn't admit that to himself. He would never admit it. He would rather sink, fade away and only become a shell of what he used to be, and that killed him inside but he had no other option.

*Go listen to Anna Sun by Walk the Moon. I love this song. It is such a summery type song you will love it, and you will understand why Kendall associates it to the summer tour.

**Astro Burger is an actual restaurant next to Paramount Studios. I don't know if they sell pancakes and bacon…but in this story they do! Lol


	2. Chapter 2

Title: Façade

Chapter: What do you want from me?!

Author: Serenity-Marr

Disclaimer: I still own nothing.

Kendall was tired. He couldn't sleep last night, not after everything that had happened. He kept on chastising himself for what he did, for what he almost did. He had kept this secret locked deep inside himself for months and just the idea of _anyone_ finding out, scared him to death. In his mind he knew that telling someone about his problem would be the first step to getting better, but in reality if that ever happened he would die. He would completely brake and shatter. He wouldn't be able to handle seeing someone's face contort into pity. If that ever happened it would only deepen his depression. This is why Kendall had no option. He would keep on living his life pretending everything was okay, and maybe one day after years of pretending, maybe…. he would be okay. He would be used to the ache in his heart, it would be routine just like getting up and taking a shower was.

Kendall was tired of thinking about it, it only made him more confused and only made the pain worse. Kendall took a shower and got ready for work. He went downstairs and made sure he had breakfast. A piece of toast and orange juice was breakfast, right? When he was finished he grabbed his keys and headed out. When he finally arrived on set he managed to get to his dressing room unnoticed, not wanting to see people staring at him after what happened yesterday. As soon as he sat down on his couch Logan showed up.

"Hey man, feeling better?" Logan asked hesitating to sit down next to Kendall. Kendall took noticed and sighed. He was already being treated differently even though no one really knew what was going on. He was being treated like if he was fragile and could be broken with one wrong move. Logan finally decided to sit down next to Kendall.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Just had an off day yesterday, that's all." Kendall said not looking at Logan.

"So, have you eaten breakfast yet?" Logan asked still looking at Kendall.

"Just grabbed something quick. Toast and juice." He said as he picked up his guitar. Logan noticed and knew that he was making Kendall uncomfortable, so he didn't push the subject any further.

"Okay, well I have to get on set but I'll talk to you later" he said giving Kendall a smile and a light punch on the shoulder. Kendall smiled at that. He loved it when Logan, James, and Carlos acted like his brothers. It made him feel more comfortable and at ease knowing that he had family, that he _did_ have someone that cared for him.

"Yeah, see ya later Logie" he said grinning when Logan gave him a lopped sided smile.

The day had passed very quickly and actually smoothly. No one really mentioned yesterday _and_ they wrapped up earlier. The only thing that had slightly bugged him was Logan's need to constantly feed him. At lunch he had brought Kendall a burger and fries and made sure he ate it all. And, throughout the day he made sure to give Kendall food. Kendall knew Logan was just looking out for him, but it was frustrating because he was not a child and didn't need to be watched.

"Hey Kendall since we wrapped early today and it is barely 7 do you want to hang out?" Logan said catching up to Kendall who was already leaving. He and Logan had been so busy lately that they hadn't hanged out just the two of them for a while. It made him kind of sad that they hadn't been spending any time together.

"Sure Logie. What did you have in mind?" He asked as he opened the door to the parking lot.

"Just chill somewhere in town. Maybe grab a bite at that new bar that just opened up on Sunset."

"I've been wanting to go there since it opened. Kevin said the food there is great." Kendall said excited to be hanging out with his best friend.

"Awesome, you driving?" Logan said smiling.

"Sure it only seems fair after you drove me home yesterday" he said with a laugh.

Kendall and Logan both got in the car and a few minutes later they were parked outside **Tyler's Bar**. They went inside were the music was blasting and took a seat at one of the booths in the back corner. A waitress came up and gave them menus and left to take an order from a different table.

"This place looks great" Logan said looking around.

"Yeah it's actually nice for a bar." Kendall said looking at the warm wall colors and marble floor. The music was playing loud and there were a lot of people but despite that he was actually liking it.

Logan ordered a cheeseburger and fries, while Kendall having enough burgers for the day, decided to get buffalo wings and a coke. They were having a great time laughing and eating, but he kept on having this strange feeling that someone was staring at him. He turned his head around and he saw a guy sitting at a few booths away looking at him. He was talking to his friends but would constantly look up with a smile on his face at Kendall. Kendall tried to remember if he knew him. Maybe he was one of Kevin's or Kenneth's friends, but he decided to ignore it. After they had finished eating Kendall decided to go to the restroom before they left. The restroom itself was really big having multiple stalls and it was also covered in marble. He decided to use a stall all the way in the back wanting privacy. After Kendall was done he got out of the stall and went over to the sink to wash his hands. He noticed that he was the only one in the restroom which kind of creeped him out, but then someone came in. it was the guy that kept on looking at Kendall. Kendall tried to ignore him but saw in the corner of his eye that the man was coming towards him.

"Hi" the guy said smiling. Now that the guy was closer, Kendall could see how he looked like. He was a little bit taller than Kendall. Probably as tall as James, Kendall thought. He had some of the lightest blue eyes he had ever seen, that with his black hair and pale skin made the guy looked kind of beautiful. Which was really weird, because he had never used the word beautiful to describe a guy, but that's what he was, _beautiful_. He was wearing dark jeans, and a black button up that made his eyes stand out even more, if that was even possible, and his smile was amazing.

"Hi." Kendall said furrowing his eyebrows. "Do I know you?"

"No, not really I actually just saw you back in the bar and wanted to introduce myself. My name is Sam." He said smiling.

"Oh, hi I'm Kendall" Kendall said reaching out to shake his hand.

"Well it's nice to meet you, Kendall. I've never met someone as cute as you before" he said smiling at Kendall. He then took a step towards Kendall, boxing him in front of the sink.

"Uhmm…" Kendall said looking down blushing.

"Aren't you adorable" he said smirking, grabbing Kendall's chin lightly so that he could look up at his face.

"I...I...I got… to…" Kendall said stammering which only made Sam smile.

Sam used Kendall's stammering to an advantage and leaned down to kiss him. As soon as Sam's lips had touched his, Kendall tensed up. He didn't know what to do and just froze. Sam took noticed and with his leg pushed Kendall's legs apart a little, and used his knee to rub Kendall's crotch. Kendall yelped when he felt a knee rubbing him and he started to panic. He tried pushing Sam away, but it only made him hold Kendall tighter and rub Kendall more. Kendall was really scared and tears started rolling down his flushed cheeks. Kendall moaned when Sam started rubbing him harder, and he hated that he did. He could feel Sam smirk, but then all of a sudden Sam was off of him and Saw Logan punch him square on the jaw. Sam fell to the floor clinging to his, soon to be, bruised jaw.

"If you _ever_ touch him again or even _talk_ to him again I _will_ find you and destroy you!" Logan said furious and grabbed Kendall's arm and dragged him out of the bathroom and out of the bar. As soon as they got in the car Logan turned to look at Kendall.

"I'm so sorry Kendall. I'm sorry I wasn't there, and I'm sorry he did that to you" Logan said his voice now tender.

Kendall didn't say anything. He was too in shock to talk or do anything, so all he did was just nod. Logan decided to drive. On the way home Kendall just looked out the window. He didn't want to think. He didnt want to acknowledge what had happened, or what could have happened if Logan hadn't showed up... He knew if he thought about it he would end up crying, and he didn't want Logan to see him like that. When they got to Kendall's house, Logan turned off the car and got out. Kendall arched is eyebrows wondering what Logan was doing. He got out of the car too and followed Logan.

"What are you doing?" Kendall asked, looking at Logan who was trying to find the right key to open the door.

"Trying to open the door" Logan said concentrating.

"That's not what I meant" Kendall said grabbing the keys from Logan and opening the door. They went inside, and Kendall crossed his arms still waiting for Logan to answer his question.

"I don't have a car so I can't go back to my apartment. Besides we have to talk" Logan said, looking at Kendall.

Kendall sighed, "I don't want to talk about it" and so he started to make his way up the stairs to his room. Logan followed Kendall and when Kendall was about to close his bedroom door, Logan pushed it open.

"Kendall I know you don't want to talk about it, but you can't keep stuff like that bottled up inside you" frustration clearly showing on Logan's face.

"Damn it Logan! What do you want from me?! Why can't you leave me alone! It's not like you care about me anyways." Kendall said furiously screaming at Logan.

"You idiot! I _do_ care about you. You're my best friend and I am tired seeing you hurt. I've know that something's been wrong with you, even before today or yesterday. I just thought if I gave you enough time you would eventually come to me for help!" Logan said holding his own against Kendall.

"Kendall…I am here for you no matter what and I won't treat you any differently. You will always be my best friend" Logan said this time more tenderly. Kendall's eyes were starting to sting and he couldn't keep the tears from falling.

"You…don't know Logie" Kendall said shakily. "You don't know what it's like".

Logan sighed he hated seeing Kendall like this, so timid and vulnerable sometimes he forgot that Kendall was the youngest in the group. Logan grabbed Kendall and gave him a hug and sat him down on the edge of the bed. Kendall still had his face on Logan's shoulder and now he was bawling, shaking from the intensity and fear. After a few minutes Kendall calmed down and wiped his face with his sleeve.

"We still have to talk about this" Logan said wiping a tear from Kendall's cheek.

Kendall sighed "I know, but can we do this tomorrow?"

"No." Logan said. Kendall knew that once Logan had his mind set there was no way talking his way out of it.

"I…everything…and" Kendall said not knowing where to begin.

"It's okay Kendall take your time" Logan said giving Kendall a small smile.

Kendall took a deep breath and started.

8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-

Poor Kendall! Why does everything happen to him! And now he has to tell Logie the _one_ thing he wished **no one** would ever find out!

Soo thoughts? Reviews make me update faster ;)

And yes, I am doing that :p


	3. Chapter 3

Title: Façade

Author: Serenity-Marr

Chapter3: I don't want to do this anymore

Disclaimer: Still own nothing...

"I don't know what to do. I...I don't…" Kendall said unable to hold back his tears. "I'm just not happy anymore Logie, and I don't know what to do about it" he said rubbing his eyes.

"Kendall, why didn't you say anything sooner?" Logan sighed not knowing exactly what to say. He hated seeing Kendall like this, but he had never been in a situation as grave as this before.

"I was embarrassed. What was I supposed to say? 'Hey Logan do you wanna hang out later, ohh by the way I'm depressed and I need help.'" He said snorting and shaking his head.

"No I guess not, and I don't care anymore. I just care about **now**. I _know_ now, and I am going to be there for you whenever you need me" Logan said pulling Kendall into a hug. Kendall instantly relaxed. It's true what they said, Kendall thought, about how telling someone made you feel better. It was like it was one less thing he had to worry about. Don't get him wrong he was still afraid and confused and sad about a lot of things, but having Logan there made it almost all bearable. But even though Logan knew now, he was still scared of someone else finding out.

Kendall sniffled a little and let go of Logan.

"Thanks Logan…for everything." Kendall said forcing a small smile and Logan smiled a little in return.

"I know you're tired and you don't want to talk about anything anymore, but I think you need to see a specialist. I'll call someone in the morning" Logan saw Kendall tense up at the mention of a "specialist" but put a hand on his shoulder for reassurance. Kendall began to open his mouth to protest, but Logan beat him to it.

"Don't even try Kendall. I know you are still not 'okay' or 'fine', so don't even try to convince me. I know this is going to take time. I know that you still need to take some time to think about everything and to get better, but you can't do it all on your own" Logan said stubbornly.

Kendall sighed, but agreed. Yup Logan was definitely stubborn, he smiled at that thought.

"Thanks Logan" Kendall eventually said and he seriously meant it.

The next morning Kendall woke up and everything from the previous night came back, pounding in his head. He sighed and decided to get up and take a shower. When he was done with his shower, he went downstairs to the kitchen. He saw that Logan was already up and was making breakfast.

"Hey" Kendall said casually

"Ohh, hey Kendall. I'm almost done making breakfast." Logan said smiling up at Kendall from his place at the stove.

Kendall smiled, Logan looked really adorable in an apron making breakfast. Kendall immediately froze when he realized what he was thinking. Since when did he think Logan was…adorable? I mean yea he was a really nice person. He was always looking out for other people, and despite his sometimes cockiness he always made sure not to take it too far and be respectful. He thought about that more, he realized that Logan really had two sides to him. He could be really caring, polite, honest, and dedicated to whatever he was doing; then he could also be the cocky, funny, adrenaline junkie, hyper, but still be incredibly nice , the guy that most people got to see in interviews. Kendall smiled to himself, he was lucky that he was able to see the Logan that no one else got to see. The Logan that was currently in his kitchen, in an apron making him breakfast. Kendall sighed confused, getting frustrated. What was he thinking?

"Here ya go Kendall. Scrambled eggs, turkey bacon, and pancakes." Logan said happy with himself and his amazing, as he claimed, breakfast. Logan came back with a plate for himself and sat down with Kendall and they began to eat.

"Oh before I forget Carlos called and said that we have the week off. Since it is Saturday and we have a week off that means we don't have work until next Monday." Logan said smiling.

"Good, I think everyone needs a little break." Kendall said taking a bite out of his bacon.

"Yea, and it kind of came at a perfect time too. I called Dr. Harper and you sir, have a meeting with him today at 1 PM." Logan said pointing at Kendall who in return stuck a tongue out at him.

"Can we go out first? I still need to get a new phone since my last one broke." Kendall said now stuffing his face with pancake and eggs. Logan laughed, "Yea we can drop by the Apple store on our way".

"Hey, where are your parents anyway? I haven't seen them around." Logan asked curiously.

"They went to go visit some family in Kansas and since I'm busy and Kevin and Kenneth were away, they decided to just go by themselves. They won't be back for another 2 weeks I think." Kendall said grabbing his plate and putting it in the sink.

"It must be lonely here then" Logan said eating some eggs trying not to show concern on his face.

"Surprisingly not. I mean I love my family and all, but it feels nice to be alone sometimes, to just chill and think, you know?" Kendall said leaning on the counter.

"Yea I know what you mean. So why don't you get your own place?" Logan said furrowing his eyebrows.

"Well I didn't want to at first, because I knew we were going to be traveling a lot, but I don't know…now it feels wrong not have my own place, I mean I'm already 21."Kendall said, showing Logan that he was 21 by signaling to his body.*

Logan coughed "yea I see, he said drinking some of his orange juice." Kendall didn't really notice and went on with his ramblings, and Logan dozed off distracted by his own thoughts.

"What I'm trying to say" Kendall interrupted Logan's thought, "Will you help me find a place?" Kendall looked at Logan expectantly.

"Hm, oh yea, sure. Ahhmm soo we can work on that tomorrow, but I think I should get ready so we can head out." Logan said, like his sometimes spastic self.

Kendall smiled, "Great, thanks Logie" he said putting an arm around Logan's shoulder.

"No problem" Logan said. "So I'm gonna go take a shower and get some clothes from my apartment and I'll be back in a few" Logan said getting up from his chair.

"Well it's already 11:30 AM and we still need to stop by to get me a phone. Do you just want to take a shower here and you can barrow some of my clothes? I mean it probably be a little big on you." Kendall said hopping on top of the counter.

"Uhhm, yea sure. You're bathroom, right?" Logan said scratching the back of his neck.

"Yea Logan" Kendall said laughing.

"Punk" Logan mumbled and left trying to hide his blush.

"Aww are you blushing Logie?" Kendall said still laughing.

Logan turned around and flipped Kendall off.

"Come on don't be like that" Kendall said roaring with laughter.

Logan was making his way up the stairs to Kendall's room smiling shaking his head. He reached Kendall's room and sighed, remembering what had happened the night before. He went into the bathroom and closed the door behind him. He turned on the shower and waited until the water got warm. He stepped in when the water was ready. The water felt good against his back and Logan sighed. He was done washing himself off, but didn't want to get out of the shower. It felt soo good so he just waited a little bit, standing under the water thinking. What was Kendall doing to him? He already had a crush on Kendall for years, he didn't think he could handle Kendall staring at him and touching him so much. He knew that Kendall didn't like him like that, he just really appreciated Logan for helping him and being there for him, that's all. At least that is what Logan was telling himself. No he couldn't think about it anymore, he didn't want to be that guy that took advantage of someone because they were vulnerable, but he didn't want to feel this way in the first place.

Logan put his forehead on the cold tiles letting the water run over his tense shoulders.

"I don't want to do this anymore. I don't want to feel like this. I love him so much" Logan mumbled.

*Sigh* When one gets better the other gets worse! What the hell?! LOL

I wonder what gonna happen next?

Reviews make me update faster!

Come on I want to know what happens next ;)

Edit: AHhh I dont like my writing! it doesnt really flow...and I also didnt really have an idea as to what the story would be about. SO I just winged it...haha anyway next chapter is the last...cuzz I got stuck, but it has smut so enjoy?


	4. Chapter 4

Title: Façade

Ch.4 Just be with me

Author: Serenity-Marr

**AN: Ahhh I'm so sorry I haven't been updating. I have no excuse! I'm just very lazy -_- and I also lost inspiration for this story. I was going to make this a long story ****but**** I've decided to make this the last chapter. I already had a ch.4 in my computer but decided to write something else (this) and end the story. If it makes you feel any better this is where the smut comes in! ;) I'll make it a good one, ya know a last hurrah! So without further ado….**

**8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-KOGAN-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8**

Logan decided to finally get out of the shower and grabbed a towel and tied it around his waist. He sighed and opened up the bathroom door and stepped into Kendall's room. Logan was still distracted with his thoughts so he didn't see that Kendall was in the room. Logan finally looked up and saw Kendall standing there, staring at Logan. He suddenly felt self-conscience about being practically naked in front of Kendall.

"Uhmmm…?" Logan said nervously shifting in his place.

Kendall finally snapped out of it and realized that he had been staring at Logan. He blushed and quickly looked down at the ground.

"I found some clothes that I think might fit you" Kendall said still not looking at Logan. He grabbed the clothes that he had found and gave it to Logan. It was a blue Much More Than Me T-shirt that he used to always wear and khaki shorts.

"Thanks." Logan said looking at Kendall.

"Are you okay Kendall? You're acting kind of strange, even for you" Logan said smiling.

That made Kendall laugh and finally gave him the courage to look up at Logan. Logan noticed that Kendall's face was flushed and his pupils were dilated and looked like they were filled with…lust? No that couldn't be right? Logan tilted his head inspecting Kendall a little bit closer. Kendall blushed more and put his head down again.

Logan took a step closer to Kendall, but that just made Kendall take a step back.

"Uhmm...I should go so you could change and...Yea" Kendall said still looking at the carpet, but Logan quickly blocked his exit. Kendall looked up confused not knowing why Logan was blocking the door.

"Is there something you want to tell me?" Logan said. This made Kendall furrow his eyebrows and he shook his head.

"No...not really" he said still confused.

"Are you sure?" Logan said getting closer to Kendall. Logan immediately saw Kendall's pupil dilate again when they were just inches away from each other.

"I...I can't do this" Kendall said backing away from Logan. It was Logan's turn to be confused.

"Can't do what?" Logan said tilting his head.

"Fuck...do you know how adorable you look when you do that?" Kendall said resisting the urge to get closer to Logan. Logan just blushed in return.

"Logan...I..I think I like guys. I mean I still like girls, but since yesterday..when that guy in the bathroom…I sort of thought he was beautiful. Which I thought was weird because girls are beautiful not guys, and I was confused…and I" Kendall was nervously ranting but Logan grabbed Kendall and pushed him against the wall and quickly kissed him on the lips.

Kendall was momentarily confused but then sank in to the kiss. He loved feeling Logan's lips against his own. They were soft but strong, and the way Logan _kissed_ him was amazing. It was perfect. It had the right amount of _need_ and passion, but because it was with Logan it was still sweet and memorable. When they finally separated Kendall blushed and Logan had a big smile on his face.

"That was not what I was expecting…if I knew you would have kissed me I would have told you I liked guys earlier." Kendall said smiling.

"Shut up punk" Logan said still smiling.

"Ohh and sorry for uhmm attacking your face. I sort of got carried away. To be honest I've sort of had on crush on you for a long time...hence the attack. I mean I know you just you figured out you like guys and I know that doesn't mean you like me, but" Logan didn't get to finish what he was saying, because Kendall decided to shut him up with a kiss.

"Or you could do that" Logan said making Kendall laugh.

"I think I like you too Logan. I mean I've always felt we had a connection which is why we got along so great, and I know I just figured out I liked guys and all, and I'm probably jumping the gun here, but I..I think I love you.." Kendall said blushing.

Logan just smiled bigger, "I love you too".

They kissed again. It had started off sweet and loving, but quickly turned very needy both caught up in the moment. Kendall's hands started roaming around Logan's body. He snaked one hand around Logan's waist pulling him closer to his body and his other hand wound up on the back of Logan's neck.

They separated, the need to breathe getting the best of them, but Logan quickly attached himself to Kendall's neck. Kendall was slightly panting but was still pulling Logan even closer to himself. He could feel that Logan was hard under the thin cotton towel which made Kendall even harder. Kendall used his hand that was around Logan's waist and instead grabbed his hip and grinded into Logan, which made Logan moan.

Logan quickly separated their bodies, Kendall frowning at not having Logan's warmth pressed up against him.

"I don't know if we should do this." Logan said still slightly panting.

"Why not? You don't want to" Kendall said kind of hurt that Logan didn't want to continue.

"No it's not that. Fuck, I really want to, but I don't want to take advantage of you or anything." Logan said putting a hand through his hair. Kendall just snorted.

"I'm not 15. I'm 21 and you're only a year older than me, so you're not taking advantage of me. I know what I want and that's you, right now… in me." Kendall said the last part seductively stepping closer to Logan.

Kendall pushed Logan on to the bed and kissed him roughly, showing Logan how much he wanted him. Kendall climbed on to the bed and straddled Logan's crotch. Kendall smiled down at Logan who was looking at him and smiled. He then began to rub himself on Logan, which made both of them moan when they felt each other's hardness and the friction that it made. Kendall quickly took off his shirt and threw it on the ground. Logan took advantage of this and flipped them over so he was on top, and Kendall was on the bottom.

This caught Kendall off guard and he was momentarily confused which left Logan smiling. He kissed Kendall again, and god he would never get tired of kissing those lips. He gave Kendall a last quick kiss on his lips, then moved to kiss both of his eyes, and his nose which made Kendall giggle.

"What are you doing?" Kendall said smiling.

"I'm kissing everything that I love about you" Logan said as he kissed Kendall's neck and his collar bone.

"If you do that we're going to be here all day" Kendall said teasing.

"I wouldn't mind that" Logan said winking, which just made Kendall laugh more.

Logan continued down, kissing Kendall's wide shoulders and his left peck (chest)

"What, you like my left peck?" Kendall said smiling.

"No...well yes" Logan said grinning " but I love what is underneath it even more."

"What's underneath my peck?" Kendall said confused.

"Your heart you idiot" Logan said playfully punching Kendall on the arm.

"Ohh." Kendall said blushing. "I love your heart too".

Logan just smiled and quickly gave Kendall another kiss on the lips and continued on his path downwards. He gave Kendall a quick kiss on his abs and then used his tongue to make a trail up and went for Kendall's neck again.

While he was sucking on Kendall's neck he also started crashing his hips down on Kendall's which made Kendall moan and squirm. Logan smiled and made haste to take Kendall's pants off. He grabbed Kendall's waistband and pulled down both his pants and his boxers. When they were completely off he grabbed Kendall at his base and pressed his tongue on the tip.

Kendall moaned and started bucking. With Logan's other hand he grabbed Kendall's hip so he wouldn't move too much and hurt Logan.

Logan went down again and this time took in the whole head in his mouth and began to suck and twirl his tongue around.

"Logie…" Kendall moaned and Logan looked up to see Kendall panting, cheeks flushed, and eyes blown with lust.

Logan started taking in more of Kendall's length which just made Kendall moan louder. He started using his hand to twist the base while bobbing all that he could take in his mouth.

"Logie…I'm going to.." Kendall said not completely able to finish what he was saying because of the ecstasy he was feeling. Logan knew that Kendall was about to come so he started bobbing faster until Kendall came with a cry. Logan just swallowed and let go with an audible pop.

Kendall was still heavily panting and Logan climbed up and gave Kendall a kiss which made Kendall moan. Kendall then flipped Logan which shocked him, so now Logan was on the bottom.

"Your turn" Kendall said smiling.

Kendall reached down to Logan's towel which he still somehow had on and threw it on the floor next to his clothes. Kendall was kind of nervous because he had never done this before. In fact he had never really done anything sexual before. A lot of people thought that he had experience because he was a famous actor and popstar, but the truth was that he was a virgin. I mean he never went to a regular high school so he never really had many girlfriends. The only real "relationship" that he had was with Kayslee when he was 17 but even then all they did was kiss. The only people that knew he was a virgin were his two brothers and Logan.

Logan felt Kendall hesitate and grabbed Kendall and pulled him up and gave him a kiss.

"You don't have to if you're not ready yet" Logan said tenderly.

"No I want to..it's just I don't really have too much experience..or any at all really" Kendall said embarrassed.

"Hey, it's ok just do what you think would feel good" Logan said giving Kendall a quick kiss on his lips which made Kendall smile.

Kendall trailed back down quickly kissing Logan's left peck before reaching Logan's length. Kendall began by grabbing Logan at the base like Logan had with him and started pumping. He started twisting his wrist and picked up the speed a little bit. He then heard Logan moan which turned Kendall on. With his thumb Kendall pressed Logan's tip making Logan moan loud and buck. He then used the precum as lubricant and started pumping even faster. Logan started moaning louder and knew he was almost close, but Logan reached down and grabbed Kendall's wrist to stop.

"What's wrong? Did I hurt you?" Kendall started to panic.

Logan shook his head and he was still panting "No I just don't want to come yet." Logan said smiling.

Kendall nodded and went up to kiss Logan. Logan got up slightly so that he could roll Kendall on his back.

Logan got in between Kendall's legs and sucked on his fingers coating them with saliva.

"This is going to sting" Logan said rubbing Kendall thigh.

Kendall just nodded and sucked in some air. Logan slowly circled Kendall's hole and put one finger in. Kendall flinched at the pain, and Logan rubbed his thigh to get him to relax. He then pushed passed the ring of muscles which he knew was the most painful part.

Logan started pumping his finger in and out until Kendall got used to the feeling and started moaning slightly. Logan then added a second finger and started doing the same thing. Kendall started moaning a little bit louder and was slightly thrusting back on Logan's fingers. Logan was trying to find Kendall's sweet spot and curled his fingers.

Kendall just moaned louder and arched his back, and started panting more. Logan knew Kendall was ready so he pulled his finger out.

"Do you have any lube by chance?" Logan said knowing that Kendall probably did not.

"uhmm no." Kendall said and shifted on the bed.

"Hmm okay this might be a little bit harder than I thought" Logan said and got up and went into the bathroom. Kendall sat up slightly to see what Logan was doing and saw Logan come back with a little gold packet in his hand.

"I don't have any STD's Logan" Kendall said referring to the condom in Logan's hand.

Logan laughed "I don't either. It's just going to make it easier because it comes lubricated."

"Ohh ok" Kendall blushed, embarrassed that he didn't know something trivial like that, and made him feel even less experienced. Logan just kissed him in return. Logan then ripped the foil and put the condom on his length, Kendall's eyes never leaving Logan's length as he put it on. Kendall bit his lip because fuck that was hot.*

Logan climbed back on the bed and in between Kendall's legs. He spread them out a little more to make room and pushed Kendall back down to a laying position. Logan grabbed the base of his length and put the tip up against Kendall's hole and started to push in slowly. Kendall closed his eyes in pain. Two fingers were not enough.

Logan just kept going slowly until he was in all the way. He stopped and waited until Kendall was more comfortable. When Kendall started to move, Logan knew he was ready and slowly pulled back. The pace was slow still allowing Kendall to get used to the feeling, but then began to pick up. Logan kept shifting his hip trying to find Kendall's sweet spot and when he hit it, it made Kendall moan and arch off the bed. Logan kept hitting the same spot over and over again. Kendall was getting louder, and Logan knew that Kendall was almost over the edge and so he began to thrust harder and faster. With one last thrust, Kendall screamed Logan's name and came. Logan quickly came afterwards and fell slightly on Kendall.

Logan pulled out of Kendall and smiled. Kendall looked up at Logan and pulled him down for a kiss.

"That was amazing" Kendall said rubbing his thumb across Logan's cheek.

"You're amazing" Logan said kissing Kendall again.

"So..what does this make us?" Kendall said nervously.

"I don't care…just be with me. That's all I want. People can label us whatever they want but I love you and I want to be with you" Logan said looking into Kendall's green eyes. Kendall blushed and smiled, he was doing a lot of that lately, smiling. It was genuine and not forced, something he hadn't done in a while.

"I love you too Logan. And, I want us to be boyfriends, I mean if you want to" Kendall said fiddling with the sheets.

Logan grabbed Kendall's chin and lifted it up so that he could see his face.

"I would love to be your boyfriend" Logan said and pecked his lips.

8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8

*Does anybody else think that is hot?! Because it is! So hot!

So there you have it! I'm sorry if it wasn't that great, but I tried! And I also apologize for the sex scene, it was my first one ever and was kinda awkward to write but hey, whatever! Lol. Also who thought Logan kissing everything he loved about Kendall adorable? Aww so sweet! Reviews make me happy!

I'll try to write something else, but I think one shots are better, because I get uninspired easily…yup!


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